Overwhelmed! I have spent months together now feeling overwhelmed by
ideas. For most part of the day, I am surrounded by them. Ideas - small, big, fancy,
dull, creative and dumb. They just keep floating all around me.
Never allowed to see past them, I am incarcerated in their world. I live
with them. I talk to them. I dream about them even in my dreams. In all these
months they have not allowed me to do anything but gather more of them. There
are things that I should have been able to finish long ago but I was busy
harbouring them.
And they have been more than puckish. I invite one; a hundred others
gatecrash sending my brain circuitry for a toss.
In fact they are sly enough to make me feel guilty for not being able to allocate
enough and equal time to each one of them.
All of them scamper for my attention 24*7, like small kids vying for
their class teacher’s attention in a prep school or like a management student
desperate to score extra points for class participation.
At times I hate them or rather I hate myself for allowing so many of them
to haunt me. They just waste my time and energy. Pretending to be my closest
cohort, they lure me towards the impossible, towards the impractical and the
unrealistic. And then they slip away quietly leaving me in the dark.
Such has
been the torment that I have finally hit upon an idea.
I want to get rid of all the ideas. I want to be free. I just want to
enjoy the present. I want a plain vanilla life, which has structure, which has
routine and which has a purpose and an end defined by the society. A life which
banks on process and doesn’t sway with creativity. A life that doesn’t look for
a method in madness. A life that respects order and spurns chaos.
I don’t want to think for sometime …I don’t want to dream for sometime ...
no plans … and no big
pictures. I just want to get up one fine day, brush my teeth and get to work.
Period.
