Rejected

For long I had rejected that underlying feeling of rejection, but it had found its ways to confront me. I had waited grudgingly for years for those happy tête-à-têtes to die down in my mind, but they continued to torment me with a smile. My heart refused to believe that the unspoken connection between us had been cut without any warning.

It wasn’t after all a casual acquaintance that fades away with time. It had been built up over the ups and downs of melodramatic office life. Over under-appreciated hard work and overlooked viewpoints. Over stifling glass ceilings and relieving coffees. Over harrowing bosses and hysterical gossips. Then why?

Finally, after years of denial, I was left with no one but myself to admit that our friendship had indeed ended. It hurt a lot, but now that it was out in the open, I couldn’t hide away from the fact that I was no longer required in my dear friend’s life. That she had decided that this relationship was not worth considering further and hence it was best to move on. That she had found a company better suited to her personality and interests than I. That I was suddenly so trivial that she didn’t even find it necessary to tell this to me upfront and face my bewilderment.

But the only thing I am still not sure about is that what has pained me more. Losing a dear friend or not being able to salvage the friendship that we had created together. After all, what she had ended was part mine too. How could someone get away with my insecurities, my vulnerabilities, and my eccentricities? My opinions and my ideas that stood upon it were now as helpless as I.

Had I seen the expiry date of this friendship coming, could I have saved it? Would it have been worth it? Do all office friendships last no more than the office gossips? Does the excitement fall flat because you no longer have anything in common to talk about? Will the next friendship also head that way and meet a similar end?